Sunday, April 22, 2012

knowing what to do

if you are like me, you look around and sometimes think... 'this child is actually ours??!!.... and that means we are responsible for teaching him right from wrong?!' then i think how with almost everything in life, if you are going to take on a responsibility, you first are given the proper training. like with my job, when i learned to drive, when i was in school, etc. the one exception is parenthood. no one trains you on how to raise a child, the right way. so, i decided to write down some traits and characteristics that i would love for bennett to possess.
i found that it is pretty simple what i want for him... and as my boss always says "simple, but never easy" and that phrase is very applicable here. there are a few main things that stuck out in my mind when i was thinking about this.. i want him to be kind above all else. i want him to be respectful and caring. i want him to say yes mam and no mam, i want him to be responsible with his choices. i want him to be just the right amount of cautious and to know that bad things do happen, but to not be paranoid. i want him to love God. i want him to be a sweet husband one day like his daddy.... the list goes on and on...
the problem is i have no idea how to achieve teaching him all of these things!! i look at how i was raised and how jared was raised and it was very different and we both turned out to be ok i think ;) one thing that my dad always said and he said it at my rehearsal dinner and i will never forget it, was that they may not have always done everything exactly correct, but that they raised us based on love, and i have never heard anything more true. i remember my childhood vividly and never once did i feel like i wasn't loved more than anything in the world. of course there were times i was mad at my parents... and i think i remember packing a bag and trying to run away on my go cart a few times, but i knew that they loved me and my sister above all else. there would be days that my dad would catch a 5 AM flight to get to chicago or california so he could get all the way back home before we went to bed. seriously, he would fly to california and back in a day. when i would be in trouble at school, which happened a few times ;) my parents would always defend me. even if i was wrong, they would defend me. this is something that is probably controversial, but i agree with it... if bennett ever does something wrong, i will still defend him in front of others. yes, he will have to make it right and apologize.. and yes he will be taught a lesson, but i will defend him no matter what. i think that made me realize that i could do anything (within reason) and my parents would still love me and be there for me. it taught me that people make mistakes. it taught me to forgive, because i was always forgiven.
in this book i am reading (above), she talks about how discipline is different from punishment and how we should never embarrass our children because of something they did... she talks a lot about raising confident and capable little people and if i added 'kind-hearted' to that list, i would be happy with those traits for bennett. i thought i would recommend it to anyone out there in my same boat.. we all want these things for our children... and this book has taught me a couple things to use along the way. it is the first book i have read on parenting... i read all of the what to expect the first year, etc but this is the first book aside from learning basic skills of caring for them. i am sure there will be many more, but i think this was a good one for me to start with.
please pass on any other recommendations!!!

1 comment:

Haley Nicodemus said...

Exactly how I feel! Thanks for the recommendation!